Sunday, February 21, 2010

"Deep Blue Sea"

Deep Blue Sea Grizzly Bear- Dark Was the Night

I tell my friends that I can chronicle our relationship according to the bottles that line my kitchen cabinets. Each one has a story, a night in which we laughed, talked, embraced, a night that marked our friendship in some way or another. Sometimes I feel like my life, similarly, can be chronicled by the many disappointments that come my way. Like each bottle, they happen within a set time period, and they do not hinder the progress of the line. There is still more room above, in front of, and behind for more. But, also like the bottles, they have some sort of lasting effect; they leave a mark that can be recounted, retold, dwelt upon, and picked out upon request.

They come in all colors and sizes, in all different types. Some are a deep, dark red, and others are olive green. Some are clear and easily seen through. Others are harder to see into. But they are all there, building upon each other; my biter-sweet collection of obstacles and achievements.

But while they become more and more, and some see them as a growing number of difficulties, I prefer to think of them the way I think of those bottles. They tell not of headaches and slight queasiness. No, they tell of stories, nostalgic memories of growth. We can see the growth of our relationship from one bottle to the next. Do you remember that bottle there? That was the first time you came over for dinner. And this one here that I put up now, this is to end a night in which we have become more like family and less like friends.

Growth. My disappointments are about change, evolution, becoming more. I am now not what I was before, not necessarily better or worse, but different. I understand more about the world than I did before, and that is all right with me. So, I am hurt, I am disappointed or temporarily upset. But, I understand.

I do not make mistakes; I make choices. Some appear more beneficial at the time while others may disappoint me, but all help me grow into an understanding that was not there before.

[Deep Blue Sea]

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